Tuesday, July 27, 2021
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Yes, I am changing

Yes I am changed, ashish mitra, old man, alone but happyAs I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. But I am what I am, I was. But age has transformed me that have even changed my outlook. So I have diverted.

Days slip into weeks, weeks turn into months and months transform into years. Calendars are changing and so am I.

As I am aging, I am getting tired. Earlier I had the habit of getting angry just for nothing. But not anymore. And I have now gradually changed and am doing so gradually.

Yes, I am changing. After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, now I have started loving myself.

I just realised that I am not an ‘ Atlas’ and the world does not rest on my shoulders.

I have now stopped bargaining with poor vegetables and fruits vendors. After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

I pay the autowalla/cabbie and walk away without waiting for the change. The extra money might bring a smile on his face. After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me.

I have learnt not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. After all, the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

I give compliments freely and generously. After all it’s a mood enhancer not only for the recipient but also for me.

I have learnt not to bother about a crease on my shirt or a spot on it. After all, personality speaks louder than appearances*.

I walk away from people who don’t value me. After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.

I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race. After all, I am not a rat and neither am I in any race*.

I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. After all, it’s my emotions that make me human.

I have learnt that its better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. After all, my ego will keep me aloof whereas with relationships I will never be alone*.

I’ve learnt to live each day as if it were the last. One day, it certainly would be the last.

I am doing what makes me happy. After all, I am responsible for my happiness and I owe it to me.

Am old but happy

As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read, or play on the computer until 4 am. I will dance with myself to  those wonderful tunes of the 60s & 70s, and if I, at the same  time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, eventually, we remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or  even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength understanding and compassion.

I am so blessed to have lived enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and too many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.  I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

(The views expressed by the author in the article are his/her own.)

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