Question:
We live in a small SRA house, the kitchen is a small place where I sleep at night otherwise toilet and bathroom everything in one room, I stay with my brother and his wife. Brother goes to work at 5 am; I leave home at 10 am for college. My brother’s wife removes her clothes in front of me. She even dresses in front of me. When I ignore, she calls me for some or the other thing. The night also she comes to the kitchen several times and sits beside me trying to pamper me. My tired brother gets to sleep soon. One day I tried making my point to her, but she still grabbed my hand and started doing all sorts of things. I wanted to leave my brother’s house; for a few days I did not return home, my brother was upset over neglecting my sister-in-law. I am in real pain; tell me how I can resolve this?
Radheshyam, Dharavi
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi Radhesham,
Your situation is still under your control. We shouldn’t and also can’t control others. The present situation is creating lots of emotional trauma for you. You are not expressing your emotions. More you suppress, more you will invite problems for your health down the line.
It’s important to keep your dignity and health intact. You can definitely think of staying separate. Wish you best of Emotional Health.
Question:
When I was 13 and I was a pretty sheltered kid so I was kind of naive. My parents had a couple-friend who they sometimes went barhopping with on the weekends. Well, my mom and dad eventually stopped going out with them (I never really asked why) but later on came to know that my mom was asked to have a group sex, means both couple in one room in front of each other. To which my mother did not agree and they both ended up getting divorced. I remained with my mother. A few days back, I was shocked to know the same couple sexually exploited my father. Till the time he had the strength he coped up and now he feels ashamed. I want to drag this couple to cops but I have no proof and no support from parents. I am sure this couple must be doing such things with others too. Tell me what can I do?
Danish, Parel
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi Danish,
Presently I would request you to take care of your dad’s Emotional Wellness. Make him feel comfortable and assure him that you are always there with him. This will help him to be fit and fine. Now comes the question about that couple. As right now you don’t have any proof, don’t spend your energy there. Work on your betterment. Karmic records never fail.
Be happy. Take care of your dad.
Question:
We met online in 2014 when we were both 19. He lived in a city 150 km from the mine. We met on a forum we used to frequent and got to chat. We chatted on and off for years. He moved to Gujarat around 2015, at the same time I moved to his hometown for college (south India). He visited his hometown in 2016 during summer and we met up in person for the first time. We talked all the time, we went to the movies, hung out, and laughed. It was just the two of us for an entire month. He left, came back next summer (2018), more of the same. But…
I had a boyfriend and I cheated on my boyfriend with him. It lasted a few weeks until he went back. He admitted to falling for me and we agreed it was all a mistake since I was with someone and even if that weren’t the case, we were still miles apart. We ended on a bad note, had a bit of a fight since he felt a bit used. And he was right. I felt bad but we still made up and chatted a lot during our time apart. This summer (2018) he didn’t come. He had surgery on his brain; he had a tumour that was not cancer. I moved back to my old city, but I was single. I was going through a lot of shit in my life, so our conversations helped through all that. We chatted in 2017 24/7. We were two peas in a pod. I fell for him, hard, and it was very obvious. I was excited to see him.
He told me he was coming home…. with a “friend”. He told me that April 22nd, 7 days before I would depart to meet him. Turns out, he thought I was never serious since I already strung him along once. He thought I was just messing with him and would not actually take off work just to go and meet him for a few days. I was crushed. I was mad. But I couldn’t fault him. He was right – I was an asshole to him and my then boyfriend. And I probably deserved this. But I was still hurt. At this point, I started thinking of him as the one who got away.
We stopped talking for a while. 2019, April I got engaged. I dated my fiancé, here he came back to my life again and I just couldn’t stop myself, had sex with him. We loved each other madly…. where should I go from here?
Sudha, Bellari
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi Sudha,
Boundaries have to be set and respected. Your entire conversation shows that you were just always looking for your own Emotional Comfort. Might be feeling of security with being someone around always. But this not the way. Now please focus on your married life. Water once crossed bridge should not be attempted to pull back or revisit.
Best of luck!
Question:
I’m bitter and angry towards disabled kids and I feel horrible about it.
I’ll make it short. I graduated with an average across all my classes of 99 per cent, including AP and dual enrollment classes. Needless to say, I worked my ass off and did great, including national high exam scores. My school features special needs classes that have a ton of extra credit work the other classes don’t have, meaning most of the kids in those classes can easily get averages above 100 per cent. I would have been my school’s valedictorian, but the disabled kids all had scores I couldn’t possibly achieve, with our actual valedictorian having an average of 115 per cent because of the extra credit work given. I feel robbed, I worked so hard and did so well and I can’t even be recognised for it because some special kids get special treatment. She gets to meet the governor and be honoured at all of these ceremonies, and even gets a massive scholarship for it. It’s not fair, if you take special needs courses you shouldn’t be eligible for valedictorian, or other GPA based rewards. I lost interest in education I started hating it all.
Jyostna, Juhu
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi Jyotsna,
This is a common problem with many. In fact, I am happy that you at least accepted. Here I would like to state a sentence. I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no legs!
Respect the humanitarian factor. Those guys have fought against all odds. You have better off life. Maybe your life purpose is different. Try to work on your life Purpose. Shift your focus. You will come out of this feeling.
Question:
I read your post on FB, from there I picked up your mail; I have one confession and question too, why girls are tricky? Well! Let me tell you, When my crush joined, I didn’t think much of it. But at one point, I got the idea to DM her on FB using the secondary account that can’t be traced to me. I decided to do it, and I said: “I’m in love with you and I’m not sure why.”
To my surprise, she responded! And she wasn’t creeped out or anything. She said something like “Not sure why you’d like me but thank you.” We started walking for a while, and at one point, she mentioned me by name, saying I was one of the few people she really likes. However, I feel sad that she is way happier to talk to the anonymous version of me, rather than normal me. I am getting disturbed by this. Hope you don’t post this answer on FB. But tell me where I can read.
Anonymous
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
This is a very wrong approach. Also, it shows that your original version couldn’t click her heart. And you as Fake version of yours approached in a way which you should have done in the original version. Finally, she is not at fault if your other self is her real choice, which she might have realised. Now you try to be the way she expects from your other you
Life will be better. Best luck!
Question:
I have been lying to everyone for the past year because I am a very depressed person but I always act happy and I am always helping people who are depressed but I can’t get past my own depression and I really want to tell someone but I am not really the kind to ask for help with anything and the girl that I like has no idea about it. I’ve been a lesbian my whole life, and never romantically been attracted to a man. It makes me so uncomfortable or that I have a boyfriend. I’m so uncomfortable.
Laxmi, Dhindoshi
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi Laxmi
It happens that a person who is undergoing some depression can counsel others in that state. As they understand the pain better. Also, try to check your patterns what made this Emotion or feeling of being lesbian triggered, there must be some cause, some event.
Also being Lesbian or Bi is a matter of your choice as to where you are comfortable in. In case if you have a doubt in the decision making, seek a professional counsellor’s help.
Question:
I’m a really good-looking person and I want to find love, I really do but I fear I’ll never be in a relationship where the love is mutual. All the people I date fall in love with me instantly and I use that to manipulate them because I like to feel powerful and I laugh when they cry. Then I realise I actually love them and I do everything I can to make up for the damage but it’s always too late… I swear something just takes over me.
No name, Mumbai
Vivek Mantri’s answer:
Hi, your write-up shows you are just trying to gain significance in one or other way. Somewhere some childhood patterns might be disturbed. Please workout on those disturbing patterns. Don’t overpower others just to gain a feeling of significance.
