You must have a question in mind: do people really marry themselves? Well, of course, they do. Why not? It is really, occasionally being done. Although, without supporting laws, I expect they are civil ceremonies and not licensed. This trend started gaining quite some momentum lately. Apparently, this trend was started in 1993 in the US when a woman named Linda Baker decided to marry on her 40th birthday. It might sound quite terrifying on the surface, but on second thought, the idea of sologamy really advocates self-love on another level. It is widely considered the first publicized act of self-marriage which was attended by around 75 of Baker’s friends, where the bride said “I do” to honour her in sickness and in health until the day she was not there.
Self-love is one big factor which gets neglected so often nowadays, especially in this 21st century! Most people are overly critical of themselves. Look around, there are just so many failed marriages and relationships and the most prominent reason you’ll hear is “He/She wasn’t the right person for me.” So why won’t one choose to marry oneself, right? But we all need to marry ourselves first before marrying someone else. Many times, the so-called ‘wrong person’ isn’t actually that bad but a pretty good person. So, why did the marriage/relationship fail? That question has a manifold answer. However, one big reason which is often neglected is: due to lack of self-love. In any relationship, we make many pretentious vows; such as I promise to always be by your side and never leave you. Is it even physically and mentally possible to always do so? Hell, no!
Now in 2022, India is all set to enter the list of countries to witness a sologamy marriage. During the pandemic, we came across several stories of women from around the world marrying themselves without a partner. Recently, a 24-year-old Kshama Bindu from Gujarat announced she will get into a nuptial tie with herself. The wedding will take place on June 11, according to the Hindu customs such as pheras, wedding vows etc. Not just this, she has also planned a Goa honeymoon for herself.
The only things missing from this unique wedding will be the groom and the baraat. Sologamy is the act of marrying oneself in a public ceremony, also referred to as self-marriage or autogamy. While such a marriage has no legal sanction or status, many use the symbolic ceremony as an act to emphasize their self-love and independence. Self-marriage is a commitment to be there for yourself and unconditional love for oneself. It’s also an act of self-acceptance. People marry someone they love. Some people love themselves and hence, such weddings.
Kshama Bindu would be seen decked up in her red bridal outfit, with henna on her hands and vermilion powder in her hair parting, the bride will do the customary seven rounds around the sacred fire, she tells me on the phone from her home. Pre-wedding rituals such as Haldi (where turmeric is mixed with oil is applied to the bride) and sangeet (music and dance) will be held earlier in the day. After the wedding, there won’t be any Bidayi ritual for her.
The news has also started a debate on social media. Some applauded her saying she would be an inspiration to many, but most people just tried to wrap their heads around the concept of sologamy. One woman on Twitter wondered what the need for marriage as if there was no one else involved. Another said it appeared that Ms Bindu was just trying to run away from family responsibilities. Some even criticised sologamy as “a bizarre and sad act” and blamed it on “chronic narcissism”.
To her critics, Ms Bindu has “only one thing” to say: “It’s my decision to marry who I want – whether it’s a man or a woman or myself. And by marrying myself, I want to normalise sologamy. I want to tell people that you come into the world alone and you leave it alone. So, who can love you more than yourself? If you fall, it’s you who are going to have to pick yourself up.”
