A single autonomous woman who desires another woman, erotically and emotionally has irked many people. Even though being well acquainted with same gender sex which is not just a modern age trend but a part of ancient Indian tradition too.
I have witnessed society being more intensely homophobic in cases of lesbians like even today even after the legalisation of Section 377, there is very little acceptance from the society.
Why lesbian, not gay? Because the female gaze and female desire has traditionally not been given preference. Also female opinion has never much been regarded of any respect as much as male counterparts.
Because there is too much of social stigma that has been attached to women’s sexuality which is why many women still choose to remain behind the closet even today. Even though being homosexual is not an offence, we still find many lesbians living a pseudo life of being a wife and bearing children. But yes, as we have begun being progressive and with the help of modernisation, there are many lesbians who manage to find themselves indulging into desires of being with a woman and venting out rather tuning themselves emotionally to tackle their pseudo lives well.
“Yes, we actually get raped. But if it’s about me, then you know that to maintain such lifestyle and to live in one of the exorbitant properties in Mumbai is nothing less than a virtue. Also, that I hail from well to do family, we were never given much of options even though when our families pretended to not to be homophobic. When I think what if I had told my father that yes dad, I have feelings only for girls and I am someone different inside not what that you seem, I still get bumps to even think of it. It isn’t that my father would have killed me or put into dark chamber’s. But yes, I personally would never want my father to be disappointed.
What do you think that my mother mustn’t have known about it, I know that she knows it very well but she ignored and chose not to believe, she never had that acceptance she will never have that even today. Again, that I have my own comfort zone, time, space and I spent very quality time with my lady love we cherish each and every moment and make memories. If it’s a crime, then so it be.”
Are we privileged like her? NO… So, then what’s next? We already know one thing very clearly that remotely many women are being raped within the household. Many women have chosen survival over struggle of being recognised as a lesbian or choosing to come out of the closet.
Once I had come across a very old lady at Kitty Su Mumbai which is LGBT party Den. I wondered may be she is mother to someone and has come here to clearly understand homosexuality and see other people of this community. She was grooving and moving rhythmically along with the tunes . I wondered wow what a parent she is, amazing!!! …. and I went on with my imaginations about her, she is so liberal, maybe she isn’t living in India and so she is use to this culture. Meanwhile I am trying to gauge her attire her appearance for a moment I convinced myself that is settled abroad and so has such beautiful mindset.
I saw her screaming PURE LOVE IS BEING QUEER and I see a young girl rushing towards her with drinks and suddenly it’s all about cheers and smoochies.
Now that I could not resist and I really wanted to start a conversation and I guess she too got the hints from my side.
Our conversation took me into refraction of thoughts and astonishment.
She was in love with a girl since her college time, their love story is as beautiful as she is… her lover was an active participant in her marriage, she was the first one to apply mehndi on her hand. She says that during her vidaii, she cried her heart out not for leaving her home and family but for her lover and thinking what is gonna happen next. Obviously, her marriage hit the rock bottom and she couldn’t conceive that she had the house but her husband already had other women to him. This was a blessing in disguise
She believes this era has no love it’s just about the perfect match and how beneficial the union will be to both the people. Sex doesn’t have emotions, it is just a physical need. It’s ok till the time when both of them have mutual understanding “No Strings Attached”
Girls prefer sugar mommies over daddies as it’s easy and convenient to live and also families are ok because their daughter is constantly under a company of women who may be her boss or her colleague. And you know how our family thinks.
Women opting for other women who are emotionally betrayed and abandoned by men are considered as an optional intimacy. When the sexual desires are on the peek and you can see that women using other women’s body just as a substitute for satisfaction. As suggested in Deepa Mehta film Fire.
With the wide access to internet and the kind of awareness that people have I believe the time has begun for many of us to come out of the closet and live the real identity. Unity amongst women is still on staggering point, but if we all heterosexual and homosexual ladies keep a little broader prospect and genuinely respect the choices by being zero judgemental, maybe we could help a lot of women to come out of the trauma.
-Aditi Vinay
(The views expressed by the author in the article are his/her own.)
