n the era of equality, most of the time, we falsely stand by the so-called Feminism. In today’s society, male emotion is extremely undermined because machismo doesn’t allow men to actually admit when you’ve been hurt. Men are supposed to be tough and they pretend to be strong in every adversity. In spite of following this informal conditioning between being emotionally available but not so available that someone mistakes you for being what you are. We ridicule a man who cries, we insult if he stands on his ground, we expect him to bring the sky to a woman’s feet, we expect him to be slogger, and all-time money fetcher but we don’t grant him basic emotional support just because he is masculine and we assume that the male needs no such things because they are strongest. Have we ever thought they too are human and at times they are much vulnerable than anyone? Believe it or not, men cry. With each day, they become increasingly torn between two sides; one side of them would love to have a family, wife, kids, etc. and another side of them is so hurt and angry that they’ll never let someone coming close to them ever again. From 498A to rape laws, all are against men and are in favour of female. The misuse of law begins here.
If one attacks a cow, he is lynched. If a woman is killed, especially if she is the wife, a million excuses are mouthed. If a woman says that she is subjected to cruelty, the society stands by her shaming a man with all sorts of public trials. Section 498A literally swept aside a fundamental right. True, the accused had to be produced before a first class magistrate where he, or she-relative, could plead for bail. However, smart women would ensure that the complaint was made on a Friday, assuring a weekend behind the bars for the so-called accused. That leaves enough time to reach a ‘settlement’, usually with the aid of a police-recommended interlocutor, who paints a grim picture for the accused if a settlement is not reached. As cases kept on increasing, and usually with the charge of ‘cruelty’ being without any visible physical evidence, the courts had misgivings. Where does this lead a man? Nothing but a nightmare, he spends all that he earned, sometimes he land up giving the only shelter he has for himself, and most of the time even he loses the custody of his beloved children whom he might have loved more than the mother, and even in some cases, where children are more comfortable with father but denied custody. Shattered marriage, cruel circumstances, and leading life alone with so many challenges ahead lead a man to commit suicide. Remember, men too get hurt, they break and crack just as often as women do; however, they aren’t allowed to show it. In some cases, you might see a man who’s been hurt or taken for granted and never has an outlet to express any of those emotions, he takes help of drugs, drinks or even more but we still don’t want to be kind, the society tags him with various adjectives. In such circumstances, we say that he has money to drink-drug himself, so he can pay for his wife too. The extortion goes to such an extent that the man stops living his life. We forget the fact, that they need their loved ones, particularly their children or friends, whatever the circumstances are. It is not because they are being extra or anything but because they can’t stand to watch the latter suffer. Often we become more caring than expected without realising that women are stronger these days. Of course, we do it to shower and wrap our loved ones with warmth and care to pick them up from whatever they are suffering in. This is, without a doubt, the backbone of maintaining a good relationship. However, all these take a turn when they do not receive something in return. That is when the pain starts to kick in and he gets hurt, begins to regret and take back everything he has done. Yes, people may argue that guys should do anything and everything without expecting anything in return but the question is, For How Long?
No matter what they will at a point feel depressed for doing something but not getting anything in return even after a very long time. It’s in human nature and it’s normal for them to feel that way. Men do not ask for anything extravagant or fancy in return from his wife or the lady he loves. All they ask for is the slightest of respect, loyalty, and care, but don’t get me wrong; caring as in not overly caring, just the slightest. When that does not happen, that is when the backbone starts to break because the relationship becomes one-sided and this one-sided story ends with one side judgment.
According to WHO data, the age-standardised suicide rate in India is 16.4 per 100,000 for women (6th highest in the world) and 25.8 for men (ranking 22nd). Men commit suicide at a higher rate across the world, but India has not been able to lower the suicide rate among men. India now accounts for over a fourth of male suicides, a significant increase in its global share from 1990. The suicide rates for men were much higher than the global averages. Who is at higher risk of suicide? The latest health statistics paint a grim picture of India’s mental health revealing that one person commits suicide every four minutes, maximum mental health and depression cases registered are of male patients. The National Health Profile 2018 raises alarm over the increasing numbers of suicide deaths – a whopping 1,33,623 in a year. This translates into 366 suicide deaths every day and 15 an hour. The data also show the increasing vulnerability of Indian men.
Nearly 70 per cent of all suicide deaths in India involves males. Of the 1,33,623 people who killed themselves, 68.49 per cent (91,528) were men as against 42,088 women. The number of suicides by men has risen from 66,032 in 2000 and 80,544 in 2008 to 91,528 now. The number of male deaths from suicides is nearly double than that of females. According to the latest data, the highest suicide burden is in Maharashtra (16,970 deaths), followed by Tamil Nadu (15,777) and Bengal (14,602). Health data also reveal that suicides are the highest in the productive age group of 30 to 45. Vulnerable men of India too need attention, during abuse from his spouse. High Expectations from him to give a luxury life to his family, the threat of committing Suicide from a spouse, blackmail and hazard of misusing Laws against him — greed for Money from his so-called wife or woman in relation.
There is an urgent need of setting up of a National Commission for Men in line with the National Commission for Women to register complaints filed by men and take necessary action against women who misuse laws or harass husbands or male partners. There should be a dedicated 24/7 helpline for men in distress at the Police Commissioner’s office in every city. More than a Commission, what men need is a humble approach of society, where they should believe the fact that “men to get hurt and they too are human”.
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