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Married Couple Need Anger Management Training

Patience in the society is running thin. The acceptance of western culture of glamorous show off and ultra-luxury are raising the problems in the family and between the couple. The simpler you live, more relaxed you shall feel. However, today everyone is participant of a rat race for earning money.

Every couple quarrels sometimes, but when I heard news about the dentist and his 36-year-old wife, it took a grisly turn when a financial disagreement ended in her getting stabbed to death. To make matters worse, their four-year-old was sleeping in the next room. Dr. Umesh Babole runs a clinic in Jogeshwari and lived with his wife and son in Kohinoor Towers, Matunga.

On Sunday morning, he had horrible clash with his wife Tanuja, that spiralled out of hand. The wife and husband had frequent arguments. She had been living at her parents’ residence and had come to stay with her husband just one day ago, but on the next morning, she was stabbed to death by her husband. After killing wife, Babole sat by the body lying in a pool of blood for three hours before calling the cops and confessing the crime. Meanwhile, no neighbour was aware of any turmoil between the two. They rarely spoke to the residents of the building and only greeted them with a smile when they saw them around. Entire society was shocked to see the police in building and knowing the incidence.

The couple has been living there since they got married seven years ago. In seven years, they maintained their differences between four walls. However, eight months ago, Tanuja, who worked with a private firm in Bandra, had filed a domestic violence case against her husband, which is Sub-Judice in a court. With growing harassment, she had shifted to her parents’ house but later on with mutual agreement, understanding and assurance by hubby, she returned to stay with him, without having any clue of her fate.  Educated but foolish parents, I feel sorry for the child of theirs, what will be his future now? His security, studies and his entire life is compromised and pushed to turmoil by his parents. Imprudent husband should have just asked the wife to leave the house or divorce her. Murdering her was definitely not the solution. India is a traditional male-dominated country where women have to face violence in the society from the ancient time, and now in modern era it has become even worst. As the world is leading towards technological improvement; the rate of unnatural sex and violence with women is also on the way of advancement.

Violence against women has grown to a great extent in India. Dowry deaths, murder, bride burning, greed, ego ambitions are giving rise to the violence in the society. Simultaneous increase in violence against women is hindering the social, economic, political and cultural progress of the country. These days, husbands and wives fight for all kinds of reasons, but some are more common than others. Money makes the world go round and it sure goes a long way in increasing marital conflict. This is ideally one of those things that need to be discussed before marriage, and the lack of a clear understanding in the beginning can lead to lots of trouble later. Money arguments are usually regarding spending habits, how much to save, where to invest, and so on. If only one spouse is earning, the other might feel humiliated at having to ask for money, leading to more fights. If both are earning, then both argue on who spends and who don’t want.

In most of the joint families’ in-laws are a common cause of dispute around the world, it only gets worse. Things get shoddier for women living in a joint family with her in-laws, as she ends up feeling isolated while her husband gangs up on her with his parents and siblings.

The biggest issue is related to sex, that even married couples refuse to talk about this issue even in this day and age. Needless to say, dissatisfaction never gets voiced and a mismatch in sexual drive can easily be misconstrued as disinterest or rejection. All this unsaid resentment festers inside and then manifests itself in other ways. In many cases, kids are supposed to bring a couple together, but unfortunately a difference in parenting styles become a hot topic for said couple to fight about. Both spouses are individuals who have come from different families with their own unique parenting styles, which they also bring to their marriage. Too much leniency, too much discipline, fostering independence early, over protectiveness, is all common parenting issues between couples. There are very few couples who stick to the issue at hand while arguing.

We have a tendency to dig up the past and bring up previous ‘crimes’ in current topics. Even though, there might not be an apparent connection between the two, couples usually have a knack in creating a connection and having a go at each other. This is a very damaging process that all relationship experts advise against. It can make the ‘accused’ spouse feel backed into a corner, and when they start embracing this tactic, the argument becomes a pointless exercise in negativity. Nearly all of us struggle with prioritizing, but a married couple is usually expected to have common goals, considering they’re going to be spending a lifetime together. Problems arise when there is a mismatch in one spouse’s priorities and the other spouse’s expectations of the same. For example, a wife might expect her husband to prioritize her and their family above all and might get upset when he prioritizes his parents or work instead.

He might find nothing wrong with it, and this leads to a lot of heated words hurled at each other across the room. In extreme cases, couple land up getting violent against each other. We are a developed nation with modern society, but yet we are living in Stone Age when it comes to bad marriage.  Whatever it is, take the time out to discuss things calmly and set some rules and boundaries; and the next time you fight, do it right! Anger is an emotion – neither right nor wrong in itself. There is no morality to feelings. Try to understand what prompted the feeling. Morality comes into play when you take a destructive action as a result of a feeling.

Dr Vaidehi Taman
Dr Vaidehi an Accredited Journalist from Maharashtra is bestowed with Honourary Doctorate in Journalism, Investigative Journalist, Editor, Ethical Hacker, Philanthropist, and Author. She is Editor-in-Chief of Newsmakers Broadcasting and Communications Pvt. Ltd. for 11 years, which features an English daily tabloid – Afternoon Voice, a Marathi web portal – Mumbai Manoos, monthly magazines like Hackers5, Beyond The News (international) and Maritime Bridges. She is also an EC Council Certified Ethical Hacker, Certified Security Analyst and is also a Licensed Penetration Tester which caters to her freelance jobs.

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