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Why are ‘women” the enemy of “womanhood”?

We are living in the 21st century and boasting about the woman’s liberation but somewhere our mindsets are yet to be changed. We as women are the enemies of womanhood. Maybe out of insecurity, jealousy, or that sadist pleasure of overpowering someone makes us feels superior and we land up doing atrocities to another woman? (Here I am saying “we” being a part of the woman species).

Many learned men and think-tank commented long ago that the woman species are complicated and difficult to understand. There are many wicked women who not only vitiate the minds of other woman but they lobby against a few to achieve their motives — may it be politics, neighbourhood, society they are living in, or family.

Dowry deaths to brutality to a woman in the family, from mom-in-law to lady neighbour, if you get stuck in the wrong place with a wrong woman, life becomes hell and in such situations, most cruel gossipmongers would be women themselves.

We say womanhood is a blessing because she brings another life to this earth. She is kind, tolerant, and generous by nature. Mother Nature has blessed women with all good things because she nurtures the generations. Sometimes I feel that these statements are just bookish, the reason is that a woman can be kind to her own children or her own people of some side but the moment it comes to a larger perspective, her nature changes.

Being a journalist and lawyer, I visit many family courts and recently I was doing a feature on 498A; looking at the documented evidence, it is found that in 99 per cent cases, they are women who have got other women to the courts — let it be woman involved in extramarital affairs (from both the sides, one who cheats marriage, and the one who is engaged with other woman’s hubby). Atrocities and abuse is another saga and there are volumes to read and analyse. Married women have their own challenges and a single woman has worst of scenarios to face.

Just to sight one simple example, my next-door neighbour, who is a single lady and I am also a single female, we are friends too. We have our own lives and we deal with the world. She is in her creative world and I am in my news world. We hardly meet but whenever we meet, we laugh at the mean world around us.

From past months, there is some or other garbage piled up in our corridors, or some pile of footwear or something or the other. We were wondering when the society has passed a rule to keep the premise empty and clean, some negate the rules and like law-abiding citizens, we two, who not only follow rules but every day gets victimised and troubled for following rules.

We keep our footwear in, our garbage in, our waste in but whenever we open the door, the other’s garbage is there to welcome us. One fine day, we just tried moving that garbage from our door and one harsh voice came out saying “frustrated unmarried middle-age bitches, they don’t have families, one is orphan other one is without family, and thank god I am getting married soon”, then another woman’s voice came out from the same family with all ultimate slangs which are inappropriate to mention here.

I sighted this example to tell that Mumbai is a metropolitan city and here many girls come for earning their living and some are singles out of circumstances and some out of choice. However, what is wrong if one is single? Aren’t we in a much better position in comparison to the others?

Also, the question to ask is how are you actually as a family, where do you stand? Do you have the right thinking, the right values, the right intellect, the right mutual love and respect, and most importantly, the right morals to question others’ morals? What is your contribution to your children, what is your contribution to your society, what is your contribution to the world? These are fundamental questions which each one must ask their conscience before questioning others. Today, when we try to educate men to respect women, we also need to consciously educate women to respect and honour other women too. What goes around always comes around — it’s the law of Karma.

My intention to write this article is to just express my concern towards those women who are victimised by other women and the growing intolerance in the women’s world. Every family is blessed with some womankind, somewhere we all need to learn to be kind enough for others.

I grew up surrounded by a lot of friends but a huge group of them comprised of the boys. In my profession, there are more male as compared to female, my office has more male population than female, my school had more boys than girls and even today, my school and college friends meet me with the same feeling.

As I grew up, I realised that things hadn’t changed much. Not that I was a tomboy or something, I naturally jelled more with the boys or maybe my school had fewer girls. I never had to bother about my plaits being in place, my frocks neat or mind my playthings, I am single or committed, or if I am at ease with them! Men always gave me fewer encounters than women. They were easy, not pretentious, and not bitchy. In fact, the solidarity I share with the guys was simple and hassle-free. Sometimes they treat you as one of them, but surprisingly you feel comfortable in your own skin with them around. They are less judgemental and they hardly care about your looks and status.

Women, unlike men, are self-conscious about everything that they have. From the money they are making to the brands they are wearing to the way they look while they work out and they are at constant war with their inner self.

Some use this to get better each day while others compare this self-consciousness with the way how other girls are putting up, only to hate them even more. Women love gossiping about other women, about their clothes, makeup, walking style, boyfriends, or unnecessary tantrums; they sometimes even pass judgement, sometimes even lobby by creating an opinion about you for others.

Many women even tell their children to stay away from this person to that person because the affection of one woman grabs the attention of other woman’s child. A woman goes to the extent of poisoning the ears of their kids against a particular entity if they decide to hate them.

Anyways, I have criticised all the odds of women but to conclude, there are women who make wonderful lovers, wives, friends, mothers, daughters, companions, bosses, and authorities. However, the kind of stuff she has seen while growing up might not have been exactly great. Except for her mother, most women in her life, her aunts, cousins, sisters, classmates had always been judgmental to the way she talks, dresses, or looks. It’s sometimes not the boys but the other women in our lives to an extent are responsible for our conditioning. The rest, they say, is genes; women may like other women but never be too fond of them, they are made that way.

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Dr Vaidehi Taman
Dr Vaidehi an Accredited Journalist from Maharashtra is bestowed with Honourary Doctorate in Journalism, Investigative Journalist, Editor, Ethical Hacker, Philanthropist, and Author. She is Editor-in-Chief of Newsmakers Broadcasting and Communications Pvt. Ltd. for 11 years, which features an English daily tabloid – Afternoon Voice, a Marathi web portal – Mumbai Manoos, monthly magazines like Hackers5, Beyond The News (international) and Maritime Bridges. She is also an EC Council Certified Ethical Hacker, Certified Security Analyst and is also a Licensed Penetration Tester which caters to her freelance jobs.

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