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No hard and fast rule that love must end in marriage

Marriage requires patience, understanding, and ability to bow out in argument and Love marriage fad has blinded people to assume that dating and small term relationship lead to marriage. In reality, it doesn’t. As people fall into a relationship before marriage, they spend a lot of time together and forget about getting along with each other. That is why all relationships don’t end up in marriage?

This is because not everyone is courageous enough to take their relationship to marriage. Many problems arise between them such as caste religion society fear parents’ pressure etc. Love is not the most important thing in marriage. You can have a happy marriage without love and without sharing. It is more common than one would imagine. But having an emotional and intellectual bond and having a physical connection tend to be really important for most couples.

Making the decision to leave a marriage is scary: There’s often a deep fear of being alone, not to mention the possibility of an unknown future. So many stick with mediocrity, settling for low-level pain and dissatisfaction instead. Men change after marriage, but the change does not last long. They change due to a variety of reasons one of which is to make their spouse or extended family happy. Their true self-emerges once the initial romance fades and small issues crop up in the family life.

Men may appear to change after marriage but in reality, this is not so. Several factors contribute to this erroneous conclusion. It is said that love is blind, and marriage, an eye-opener. When you are in love, you are blind to family and social requirements which have a large role to play in your life after marriage. You tend to overlook your partner’s negative attributes and fail to foresee the problems you could get into post-marriage. So the woman feels her husband’s undesirable behaviour is caused by the marriage and to some extent, she is responsible for it. In fact, neither men nor women change after marriage. They let their guard down, revealing traits not visible during courtship or honeymoon.

Another major difference men experience is though they don’t change after marriage, they begin to live in changed circumstances. Single men don’t have the responsibilities that come with marriage. Their inherent traits are not yet put to the test. Also, men by nature and conditioning enjoy a greater degree of independence. You cannot expect them to change just because they are married. Marriage brings with it commitments which require men to remain career-focussed. This means less time spent on romance.

In Indian conditions, marriage means more responsibility, especially in the Indian context where the ‘provider syndrome’ is dominant in the psyche of the man. Change is also perceived when there are certain expectations. Men are more independent than women and need more space. They need to let their hair down and tackle crux of the problem well within the available income.

Youth and inexperience may lead a young bride to believe life after marriage will be a long, wonderful ‘date’ with a permanent suitor waiting to fulfil her every whim. When the man who was demonstrative of his love prior to marriage stops being so afterward, the wife gets disillusioned. She feels this is not the man she married.

Life is a constant series of changes. Individuals learn, grow, adapt and embrace change for better or worse. So, men too irrespective of whether they are married or not will change. There is no hard and fast rule that love must end in marriage.

 

(The views expressed by the author in the article are his/her own.)

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