Question:
Dear Sir/Madam
My sister may be a transgender and I don’t know how to feel about it. So, while growing up, I and my sister were the closest two kids could be. We both have grown up together playing, fighting, sharing, caring, and most importantly staying in one room and sleeping in one bed. Things stayed like this until we started to grow up, I grew up and so did she. Now, all I want is my sister to be happy but I don’t know if I can handle the kind of changes coming. She already changed her name to a more gender neutral one which is big for me because this new name allows her to be happy but her old name is what I can only see her as because I’ve been the closest with her for longer than just about anybody. And through sharing a last name, we share a guidance counselor at school and I already know that she wants to be referred to as he. I don’t know what social and family stigma is coming our way and how I should tell this to my parents.
Shobhika Sarkar, Orissa
Dr. Patker’s answer:
Dear Shobhika, Life is about choices and we all have the right to choose the way we want to live. I totally understand how you feel with a sudden change in your life. I also understand that you are worried about your sister but it’s best to know the reality and not run away from it. Considering your relationship with your sister, she will need your love and support irrespective of how the world reacts to her. Have a word with her. Strike a good conversation and try to know her side first before talking to your parents or anybody else. It’s important to know what she thinks and plans about her life. With some insight from her, you will be to deal with the situation better. Calm down and be patient!
Questions
I have built my emotive partitions around me so high that I don’t feel easy talking to anybody else except myself, all the meanwhile being that friend who’s there for everyone else they also distanced from me due to my snobbish nature. I think I am getting lost day by day; I gathered the courage to write to you. What should I do? I tried a thousand times to go out and mingle but I think that’s not what I really want. Sorry, don’t ask my name and contact.
Xyz, Maharashtra
Dr. Patker’s answer:
Dear Xyz,
The mind plays games and we fall for them. The discomfort of being around people is a very common problem and you need not get scared of it. The reason behind this feel could be a deep hurt memory or trust issues due to experiences. In any case, we need to understand that we are social animals. Introspection and self-awareness is definitely good but human interaction is also a need: You can’t neglect it. You can very well do it. As therapy, start having short conversations with unknown people. Later, graduate to starting conversations with friends. People find it tough to interact with loners. You create scope to continue conversations without cutting them. Practice makes you perfect even when it comes to conversations.
Questions:
Hi,
I am very restless as I have done a crime by cheating on my wife; I hired sex very conveniently and enjoyed my life. My wife expects me not to do so ever. However, still I came and convinced her about my fault, but now she is dating someone to answer me. I have two beautiful daughters, I don’t want a divorce. Please help.
Preetesh, Mumbai
Dr. Patker’s answer:
Dear Preetesh,
I do not approve what you have done at all but the fact that you regret and have confessed makes it very clear that you value your marriage and want to make things work. Mistakes should not happen, but they happen. Speak to your wife honestly and be absolutely transparent with her. Dating someone else to teach you a lesson is not matured, and I doubt if she would do. She could have said it in a rage and she has the right to be angry. Work around your relationship by talking and setting relationship rules. If you both are not comfortable doing so, seek marriage counseling. Relationships are about saving, not breaking.
Questions:
My husband’s addictions will keep us from getting ahead with our debt forever. I hate that our financial planner included his addictions into our budget.
Hemlata
Dr. Patker’s answer:
Dear Hemlata,
Addictions are life killers. Please insist your husband take professional help on giving off his addiction. It is important that you together have financial goals and use money wisely. If you feel that there is some problem with the financial planning, do raise the issue. Whether you earn or not, as a life partner, you have the right to know how your life will be going forward financially and practically. Since you are also liable for his debts because you are his wife, be in charge of situations. Prevention is better than cure.
Questions:
My husband asked me the other day if I would like to have a second baby. Of course, I would, I wouldn’t want anything more! I told him no because we are in so much debt that I know a second child would double my stress and anxiety. My car is on loan, the house is on loan, the phone is on loan, everything is on loan. But my age would not be what it is now till I repay everything.
Zeenat
Dr. Patker’s answer:
Dear Zeenat,
Babies add so much life to the relationships and we all love to have a complete family. However, it is important to understand our emotional and financial capacity before we bring life to this world. I understand there is a biological clock that will affect you and you need to plan within the parameter of being young. However, I still suggest, there is no point in stretching yourself endlessly to have a baby and then live a life full of anxiety and struggle to meet ends.
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